The Fire Inside

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The day I found out I was pregnant with my Little Troy, I promised myself I would find a way to fix all my pains and hurts. Little did I know, I had already started this journey long ago. You see for a short period of time, I lived in New Jersey. I enjoyed my time there but it came with many hurts. The hardest was the loss of baby. One day I happily went into see the doctor. Days later I was all alone in a hospital bed with no baby inside and an aching in my heart. Resting in a fog, a lady entered my room. She spoke so softly, so comforting. In only a few words, she told me she was there to offer Reiki. She asked if I’d like to receive healing energy. I accepted and she sat with me for quite some time. She held my hand and touched my heart. We prayed, we prayed a deep prayer. I didn’t know then but my world would forever change.

The weeks to follow were some of my most darkest days. I didn’t know how I would overcome the pain inside my heart. Many more hurts came after. I look back now thankful, every hurt was the Universe telling me to come home. I later decided to pack my bags and move home. The hurt only followed and I soon found out I was pregnant with my Little Troy. The day I found out I was pregnant I promised myself, I would finally heal myself. The journey has not been easy. I’ve faced many hurts, I’ve admitted to many faults but I have thanked every single hurt.

I first became a mother in New Jersey and my little baby I never met face to face but felt so deeply in love with. Gave me a gift so great. A gift that I am teaching and sharing with others, with my little boys. My little love, left my womb that day. Although my heart hurt like hell and I hit rock bottom. I was given the gift of healing that day. A gift that brought me to this very place today. You see that day once was horrible and painful. The day my little love left my womb, was the day my heart began to burn and lit a fire inside me.

4 thoughts on “The Fire Inside

  1. I am crying for a grandchild i will never know but also for Gods saving grace and the love and knowledge that this little soul, saved my very own child, and his or her very own brothers. You will not be forgotten, or less loved because you never were held in my arms.. because you are held in my heart and in mind. I love you. I love your mama. I love your brothers. Peace be with you dear baby, until I meet, see and hold you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank-you little one for watching over your mama and bringing her the gift of healing. It is your sweet soul I must see in her eyes. I know you are with them in Troy’s sweet ways and in Fisher smile. They are both such peaceful souls. I did not know your mama back then, but am very blessed to have her in my life now.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The old saying all things happen for a reason and babies are always a blessing. This baby you said goodbye to, to soon may have been one of your biggest hidden blessing you could have ever asked for. You’ve opened your heart and mind to find inner peace after your loss and found your own faith to heal yourself within and grow to be an amazing mother to this little lost babies two brothers. It’s so great to see how far you have come with this journey and the best part is seeing and hearing how your now helping others find their own path to heal their broken hearted souls. I love you. You truly amaze me.

    Liked by 1 person

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