No sustains and gives birth to the Wild Women

My sacred no as a child was never allowed to be actually be exercised or even taught unless it was in regards to harm like sex or abuse. I was taught it was more important to appease and submit. To do everything in your power to calm the beast, the power, the pain, the harm. 

Once things would reach a harmful state my father would typically step in and this would usually mean he would yell and express extreme anger towards others or the situation. Creating trauma and sickness within my body. My body would become ill with fear. I remember thinking my Dad would always protect me and that gave me a false sense of protection and never allowed me to learn to use my own voice or understand my body’s messages. 

As I grew up I was horrified to get older because being older meant taking care of myself and I knew my parents could not always be my voice or my power. I prayed and begged not to grow up. I wanted to stay stuck in the cycle. 

Looking back I was a traumatized child hiding in the shadows/demons of others. Carrying wounds that did not belong to me. I didn’t know how to speak without becoming ill inside. I hid in harm’s way because the light was too bright. 

I now see I just needed time and patience like any abused and neglected being. Time to feel safe, time to hear my own voice, time to find my own breath, time to find my own stance and time to hear my own “NO” and to step into this wisdom and power.

No is like a boundary that protects the garden like the stones that line the edges. Boundaries are guidelines to allow life, beauty and light in. Boundaries are not a fortress to keep the beauty that exists within out. No is not pain, no is not anger, no is not harm. No is the protective force that lets sacredness in. No is the heartbeat of the Shiva to Shakti that allows the Sacred Wild One to howl and run free.

No sustains and gives birth to the Wild Women, that births life and fuels all creation.

*I’d like to note I was not abused as a child. We all witness the demons and pains of others. That is the abuse I carried. I carried the abuse of those abused.

Today, I say ‘No” unafraid and unharmed 

– holly earth guide –

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